I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
