Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
