Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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