$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
