All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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