I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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