You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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