You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
