Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
