I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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