I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
