gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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