i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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