He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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