Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
