just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
