Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
