well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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