Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have aggressive nipples.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
