May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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