You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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