i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
