Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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