I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
