I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
