Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
