If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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