Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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