Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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