booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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