i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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