I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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