go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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