I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
