whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
