you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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