I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
