Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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