tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
