I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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