you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
