yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
