I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
