You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
