My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
