maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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