Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
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so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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