Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
