I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
