highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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