Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
