Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
