I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
