Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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