don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
