she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
