We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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