9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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