So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
