did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
