She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
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