There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
