Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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