What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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