i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
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