This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
