I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
