Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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