Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
