Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
