You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
