it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
