take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize