that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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