She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize