Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize