yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
